she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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