This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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