I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
