Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
