There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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