How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
