Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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