I am puke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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