He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
