I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
