so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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