at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
