i already hear my dad disowning me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
