2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
