Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
