Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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