Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
