he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
