90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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