i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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