I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize