either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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