Someone shit on the floor
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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