a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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