it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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