I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
