You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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