she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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