This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
