I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
