don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
