his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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