we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
