did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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