It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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