If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
