You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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