Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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