11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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