Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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