Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
