you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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