I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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