I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
