so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
