No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
