Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize