MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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