those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
