Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
