How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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