In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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