I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
