If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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