I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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