This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
