My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
