ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
