I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
