So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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