he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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