"it" just moved
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
