im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
